So...i guess not posting everyday on this blog. That's pretty ambitious anyway. I'm posting more than the blogs that i follow =). Though it's not a competition.
So...i had some musings about how big God is again this week. Now, the questions that have come up for me are genuine questions. I want to make sure no one mistakes them for pointed questions toward any belief. They may seem that way. And could be read that way. And they may seem like they are directed toward a specific belief. But in all honesty, they're just questions that i've wondered. And i feel like they are important questions.
I was pondering about "salvation" (as Christians believe and define it, i guess). My main question/pondering: what about all the other people? So, i guess i'm just questioning the "Jesus is the only way" worldview. God has to be bigger than that. I'm thinking about those that came before Jesus was born. Was Judaism the only way then (following the logic of "Jesus is the only way")? But the Jews weren't everywhere. They didn't have missionaries. What about the other nations? The ones that the Jews didn't encounter? What about the Chinese? Were they just doomed? How big is God if that's the case? And we can't just say that all those however millions, billions (whatever-ions) of people just would not have chosen God. That's a lot of people to just brush aside.
Anyway...have no answers. Just more questions. Don't want or need someone to answer this right now. It's more like a "Zen" question (without the Zen, and with more angst...so, really not like a Zen question at all =)...it just hurts my brain). But think about it. Let this question (and all the contradictions and dichotomies and uncomfortable-ness that it brings up) live in your heart for a little while. And then try to think about how big God might actually be.
On a different note, i'm feeling a little bit undesirable (i guess i'm speaking romantically). A line from a song from the musical "The Last 5 Years" popped into my head yesterday: "I am a good person. I'm an attractive person. I am a talented person. Grant me Grace!" I've been trying to convince myself of that. Mostly, i just want to yell at all the people online that i've sent messages to, "GRANT ME GRACE!" I don't need them all to be attracted to me. But i've been adding a small blurb at the end of my messages saying something to the affect of "if you don't want to continue this conversation, i'd appreciate a small note saying so". A bit forward, i know, but i just want to be honest. Not a one gave me that courtesy. One guy actually wrote me back, and our conversation just fizzled...which was fine since he actually took the time to write me back. But none of the others even said, "thanks for the message. not looking for a pen pal right now." Anyway, i need to stop wallowing because it'll probably lead to more wallowing.
I'll leave you with this pseudo-Zen question:
What is the sound of God getting "bigger"?
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