Just Being

So, after a Summer filled with anxiety about the future, i think i accrued a stockpile of anxiety inside me.  I started seeing a counselor and gained some perspective.  And through that, as well as some soul searching i'm once again seeking to relearn how to "just be".  I'm hoping this blog can be a big part in it.  Many times i over think things, and over-analyze things.  that's one of the reasons i was never very good at blogging.  I wouldn't feel like i had anything to say because the thoughts were just continually flowing through my head--they wouldn't stop long enough for me to have something concrete to write about.  This time around, though, i hope to learn to just be--especially on this blog.  It might seem like stream of consciousness sometimes, but maybe that's what's needed sometimes--maybe more often than i think.

I also worry about what other people think.  I don't think i have anything valuable to say because, chances are, it's already been said--so what's the point.  But the point is that i have no control over that.  I have no control over what other people think; i have no control over what other people write, or don't write.  So why worry about it.  Why sell myself short before i even have a chance to try.

Sometimes (okay, more often than i care to admit) i hope that i become at least semi-famous for my blog.  It's happened to others.  Honestly, i don't think i'm interesting enough, or a good enough writer.  But, a) none of that is for me to decide, and b) it's sort of like the risk of dating.  There's always that limbo stage where you want to hope just enough, but not get ahead of yourself.  That's a hard place to live.  I think that's where God wants us to live too.

Hmm...this really is stream of consciousness--going from my goal of relearning how to "just be" to some personal theology.  It helps that i'm writing this in the middle of the night =).

Maybe this blog will work out after all.  But only if i remember to "just be".