dropped the ball...because it takes energy to keep it up

Whew!!  "Just being" takes energy...and is scary.  that's one of the reasons i haven't posted here recently.  dropped the ball.

so...not really sure what to write right now.  feeling a little jaded about online "dating" (i use the term loosely because it's not really a substitute for the real thing.  not that i would know.  why am i a little jaded?  i've messaged people on and off but i never get a reply...well, i did once (thank you to that person =), but other than that, not even so much as a polite "not interested" (i know...those are scary too).  i guess i can understand it some.  i see myself as a real, whole person, but when i'm looking at profiles, i can't see others that way because i don't have all the information.  i only have the profile--it's 2 dimensional (literally and figuratively).  and (hypocritically) i feel like people should be able to decipher that i'm a 3 dimensional person just from my profile.  but i can't even do it, so why am i expecting the impossible from others.  i think i've concluded that i just don't look good online.  i need to move somewhere where i can meet people in real life.

on the flip side, i had an amazing night last night with good friends!!  it was so good that at one point during the evening i lost all sense of time--i had no idea what day it was or what time it was--i was just there, in the present, with my friends.  definitely filled my heart with a sense of blessing and contentment.  it's so interesting how different feelings (even drastically disparate ones) can coexist in one person simultaneously.  i also had the thought last night that i am so excited to finally meet my s.o. so that i can bring him into the fold of that friendship group.  that would have made it perfect (well...assuming that he fit in with the group...that's what i'm hoping for =).

well...i know i tend to write about the same things, but that's what's on my mind.